Posted in weight loss

The Girl Has No Title

There were so many drafts written last week but none of them FELT worthy of posting. So much has happened over the course of a week that anything I wrote seemed outdated within a day of drafting.  The end of the weekend is sadly here and there has been time to process all the ups and downs over the last couple of days. First, let me start with my results from my 2nd challenge! 

Challenge 2 Results
7/24 Starting weight: 227.6
9/10 Ending weight: 203.0
Total: 24.6lbs!
OVERALL since 6/12: 52lbs!

Instead of writing a novel (this week), I’m going to give a shortened version of everything that has been going on that prevented this from posting sooner!

  1. Losing weight & eating healthy is fucking hard when you get started.  HOWEVER, once you’re in…YOU’RE IN. It gets easier over time and stops being a “diet”.  This is my new lifestyle and I’m happiest when I’m sticking to it.
  2. Cheat days don’t exist. I’ve been cheating my entire life and some food should not be eaten.  Learned this lesson last weekend and I felt worse than the day after heavy drinking. I might nibble here or there…but never indulge like I did on 9/11!
  3. When your ENTIRE wardrobe is WAY too large to wear, it’s expensive and frustrating to rectify the situation.  No one mentions this when they share their weight loss journeys, so I will. It sucks as much as when clothes are too small. Emotionally, this is harder to adjust to than anything else.
  4. Most people comment on how great I look.  It’s difficult to not feel awkward when I always believed I looked fabulous. I know they mean well.
  5. Working out has become a drug that I am addicted to. When I’m not able to make it to the gym, my mood takes a serious dive and I’m miserable to be around. ūüėÄ haha
  6. Alcohol. Not drinking for the purpose of weight loss and being healthy has not been fun…until you’re feeling awesome the day after a huge day of drinking. I’d rather eat my calories, thanks. ūüôā
  7. Physical fitness. I ran my first 5k in over two years without any training. Ended with a time of 38:44 and just below a 14 minute pace.  I even walked some portions…so…I’m badass now. My FASTEST 5k prior to this was 45min. Needless to say, when my husband showed me the time on his phone, I cried. 
  8. Good lord the emotions. I don’t even try to hide it any more. This journey is the most emotionally taxing thing in my LIFE.  I’m hitting goals I never thought were possible and the feels are flowing out big time.

I’m now an *OFFICIAL* member of Legion Transformation.  I opted out of rolling into a 3rd challenge because I know my limits.  HOWEVER, I’m still treating the next 6 weeks as if I was still a challenger! I have my mini goals set for the next few weeks because I need the motivation…BUUUUUUUUT I have major rewards for the end goal.

Under 20lbs: $10 for every pound goes into an account for new clothes once I reach 20.
20lbs & over: New wardrobe!!!! Buy some clothing and put some money into my savings. The amount is yet to be determined.

For now, my first mini goal is to hit below 200 by Sunday, 9/25! I’m free to NOT stick to my challenge plan…but since I’ve been successful, why would I stop now?!

Posted in clean eating, fitness, healthy, meal prep, weight loss, whole 30, workouts

You Are Your Own Worst Enemy

The biggest critic in anyone’s life is themselves. ¬†Man or woman, they know what they are capable of doing even if their expectations don’t meet reality. ¬†This unfortunate occurrence often leads to self-sabotage. ¬†Time and energy gets spent on exercising and eating right which should result in noticeable progress, right? ¬†Some people get so fixated on the numbers the scale displays that they forget the long-term goal. ¬†After, maybe, two or more weeks of no visible progress is sometimes referred to as the dreaded Plateau. ¬†Once this comes into the picture, the big picture is lost and one can quickly get discouraged. ¬†Here is where people often sabotage their own progress. ¬†Speaking from personal experience, this is a mental hurdle to overcome with time. ¬†Every time I lost weight, I would hit that “Plateau”, become frustrated, and go back to old habits.

“What’s the point? I’m never going to get lighter. Nothing is working.”

These are phrases this blogger often used to justify giving in to foods that weren’t always the best. ¬†I was always so focused on the big goal that I beat myself up for small things. Some factors are not in an individual’s control. The “Plateau”, mentioned earlier, was not something I could prevent.¬†Sometimes this happens and small NSV’s should be celebrated to keep spirits up.

But seriously. DA FUUUUUG, body?! CAN YOU STOP GIVING US SO MUCH GRIEF!?

This proverbial weight loss wall has been hit by yours truly, or rather I’ve run FULL THROTTLE at it and hit it at high speeds, THREE. FUCKING. TIMES. ¬†Every single time I became frustrated and felt like a loser. A big ol’ failure with a sign over my head to tell the world how much I suck.

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Then I took some pictures. ¬†These current pics were placed side-by-side with photos from before June 12th, my first 6wk challenge. ¬†So the scale stopped moving, but my face & body were changing. ¬†Big changes, too! All summer I have been wearing active wear. When I put on jeans and other pants (sizes 18 & 16) they were very, VERY baggy. ¬†So, for shits and giggles, I went to Old Navy and grabbed some 16 and 14 size jeans. ¬†Worst case scenerio? The 14’s don’t fit and I didn’t expect them to. ¬†I put those on first AND HOLY. GUACAMOLE! **insert awkward white girl dance here** THEY FUCKING FIT! They were snug, yes, but they FIT.

I was on the cusp of self-sabotage, yet again. ¬†I took a step back and refocused on what I have done so far. ¬†The pants were a HUGE motivator. ¬†At my lowest weight, I’ve only ever fit into a 16. ¬†A size 14 was never in my spectrum of reality, ever. ¬†The jeans quickly opened my mental state up into a whole new world. ¬†I’m living in a world, as a size 14, that I have NEVER experienced. ¬†What does that feel like? This feels like Christmas morning when Santa was real to you, ate the cookies, and left presents under the tree. For a more recent example, paying off a student/car loan and having that extra money the following¬†month. This feeling is incredible and I never want to go back to how I felt before.

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March 2016 & August 2016
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Size 14 jeans & a size M shirt

There are moments one needs to take a step back, breathe, and really appreciate the hard work they have done. ¬†For me, this has been the hardest part. ¬†These progress pics really help put my work into perspective and reevaluate my own expectations. ¬†If the scale doesn’t budge for a few weeks, that doesn’t mean I’m not making progress. ¬†My body is changing and when I take a moment to really look at it, I mean REALLY look at it, I remember that what I’m doing is WORKING…even if the numbers on the scale don’t meet my high expectations.

 

 

Posted in clean eating, fitness, healthy, literature, meal prep, Uncategorized, weight loss, whole 30, workouts

Slow Progress is STILL. PROGRESS.

This is week 5 of my 6 week challenge. ¬†Last Monday, I weighed in at 215.5 and yesterday I was 214.7. ¬†Anger and frustration don’t even begin to cover the feels when I saw that number. ¬†I’m pushing hard at the gym, eating right, SO WHAT GIVES?! ¬† Normally this would not cause me much stress, but I want to beat this 2nd challenge. ¬†This means I have 7.7lbs left to lose by September 11th. ¬†

SlowProgressIsStillProgress.jpeg

The last unofficial weigh-in of my last challenge had me right at the 20lb mark. ¬†I’m trying not to stress, so I’m buckling down on my meals and choices. ¬†I might have sneaked a small handful of popcorn that my husband was eating, but I was still losing weight. Popcorn wasn’t on my list of foods, so who cares! I CARE. This week, I care. ¬†I’m also back to work (summer’s over! boooo!) so that is helping with a possible snack attack. ¬†Being at work is also making me drink more water than when I was at home all day!¬†

So here’s my game plan for the next 13 days (including today!)
1) Stick to the list of foods I was given and only eat the top 4 of each category.
2) Add some extra cardio workouts in when possible.
3) Go hard at the workouts. If I can go heavier,  I will. No more random breaking because I feeeeeeel like it.
4) STAY. OFF. THE SCALE. << This one is my biggest vice. I get on every morning and it psyches me out.

I’m keeping my hopes up that I can lose these last few pounds so I can beat this challenge. At no point will I get upset because I’ve already lost over 40lbs, my clothing is baggy, I look amazing, and my size 16 jeans are loose. Despite the money that I have invested in beating the challenge, no one can tell me this money was wasted. ūüôā¬†

Keep your fingers crossed for me! Hopefully, I drop more this week because my body feels bad for only losing BARELY a pound last week. hahah I can always hope, right?!

xoxoxo

Posted in weight loss

Small Changes Start to Add Up

Earlier this week, a buncha asshooooooles got on my nerves. ¬†They’re hating on my progress and for SOME REASON, I let it get to me. ¬†Texting my Floridian bestie, she put it into perspective for me in the simplest way: People. Hate. Progress. ¬†I knew this and just needed someone ELSE to remind me. ¬†The previous post felt super negative, in my opinion, so there needs to be a boost in moral to end the week!¬†

I got to thinking about how far I’ve come in such a short time. Well, not really short because three months have flown by….BUT STILL! ¬†In June, I started with a legit struggle. The workouts wore me out and stopping became necessary to catch my breath. With eyes closed, one would seriously struggle to tell the difference between Darth Vader and myself after a workout. ¬†Modifications were HUGE for me in the beginning. ¬†One mod, in particular, has been standing out to me over the last two weeks. Here I am grinning like a damn fool because it feels awesome just THINKING about it.

During my first six-week challenge, pushups were damn. near. impossible. ¬†I knelt on my knees and struggled. ¬†Occasionally, boldness would overcome and a full body pushup was attempted. I failed miserably. ¬†No way did I ever imagine that a full body pushup was something that I would be able to do. ¬†Now, some people would be quick to say, “NOOO! NEVER SAY NEVER! GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!”. ¬†Over the course of this second challenge, my hand weights have increased. 20lbs seems lighter than before. 15s? Only if my shoulder is bothering me and ONLY for my left arm. ¬†How does this relate to pushups? Well, CLEARLY it does, asshole. So calm yo’ tuts. ūüėČ

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Earlier this week we were doing some sets for a full body workout (or I call it: the workout from hell). ¬†One of the sets had us doing pushups. ¬†I started full body and eventually got tired. ¬†I moved to the mod and it was ridiculously easy. ¬†So easy, in fact, that I pumped out more than I usually do. I felt as if I cheated and would be yelled at the trainers…as though they could SENSE¬†I wasn’t putting 110% effort into them. The moment I realized this, I was filled with a sense of euphoria and depression!¬†I can do small sets of 5-6 full pushups before I need a small break. ¬†The mods are no longer on my spectrum of ability because they’re TOO. FUCKING. EASSSSSSSSSSSSY. ¬†Why the depression? I’m no longer able to half-ass my workouts and need to push even more. YAY! but….like…UGH at the same time. ¬†me-after-one-workout-check-it-out-pretty-much-2658398

This accomplishment is nothing major, however, my body is going in a fabulous direction for greatness! 11 weeks ago, I would have LAUGHED like an obnoxious asshole if someone said I’d be doing full pushups by the end of August. ¬†This small accomplishment has moved my mental state in such a HUGE way. ¬†Instead of just doing the workout, I add something extra for that “push” I need. ¬†

Side planks? Not without hip drops. ¬†Inchworms will now always¬†include a pushup. My most DESPISED mountain climbers? Opp. knee to elbows, bitches. My trainers push me, but I need to make sure I’m pushing me more. Big picture is weight loss for now. I want/need those numbers on the scale to droooooop, baby! ¬† The small pictures¬†are the foundation that mold and shape the big, big picture. ¬†The numbers on the scale are still just as important to me, right now, but they’re no longer my ONLY motivation. ¬†These small NSVs are the extra OOMPH I need to power through these next few weeks.¬†

I’ve got one more workout this week before my rest day. ¬†Week 5 starts on Sunday! I’m ending 4 feeling fucking PHENOMENAL and these next two weeks will be nothing short of the same. ūüėČ ¬†

Posted in weight loss

Squats, Squats, Squats, Squats, Squats, Squats…ERRYBOOOOODY!

**Leave a comment and let me know you stopped by!!
Thanks for taking time to read my ramblings!**

Leg daaaaaaaaay! The day to both love and hate at the same time because….results. ¬†

squats

I’m sitting here, post-workout, still trying to get my life together after going hard today. ¬†Granted, I gave 86% this morning because I’m getting over a sickness. ¬†HOPEFULLY, I’m back to 100% by the end of the week!! I look forward to writing on my blog for several reasons, the main being that it’s a way for me to keep this real for myself. ¬†I’m only human and I will have slip ups. ¬†Luckily, I’m able to come back to this to remind myself of the success I’ve had so far. ¬†

This brings me to today’s #TransformationTuesday here on Chronicles of a Fat Girl. ¬†This is the start of week 4 of my 2nd challenge and week 11 in my weight loss journey. YES, I’m counting. I’m a food addict and I need to keep track of success, damnit!! ūüėČ ¬†A huge part of my program is a mandatory check-in on Facebook. ¬†This happens 6 days a week for me because I’m a beast and have goals to meet! Along with my check-in’s, I try to add a funny meme or something entertaining for my friends because that’s who I am. ¬†There are some people, however, who are not as supportive of this. ¬†

The sad reality of a weight loss journey is the discovery of those who look down upon your success. ¬†While you want to believe that your friends have your back and support you 100%, not all of them have the confidence to keep that support without hating change. Among females, this is heightened even worse. ¬†Society has molded us to be in competition with one another. ¬†I like to think I never did this, but that would be a lie. ¬†The first thing that changed, mentally, was how I looked at other women. ¬†There are women at my gym who struggle where I excel. So I offer some words of encouragement because they’re going as hard as they can. ¬†Why would I ignore them? They’re there for the same reason I am and they aren’t judging me! Outside of the gym, unfortunately, is where I am finding some of the negative vibes from those I considered close to me.

There are SO many things I could’ve done. ¬†The NUMBER ONE action plan was to call these individuals out on their bullshit. ¬†Nothing would’ve been resolved and a friendship would’ve been lost. ¬†Instead, I took the high road and ignored it. ¬†There are more people who are encouraged/inspired/excited about my updates & progress than those who aren’t. They keep me going and motivated to keep going.

For those few who read my blog, like my Facebook posts, or my Instagram pics. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU¬†THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ¬†THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ¬†THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ¬†THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! ¬†Your positive support truly means the world to me. ¬†I have 7lbs to annihilate in order¬†CRUSH my 2nd challenge with roughly 2.5 weeks left.¬†¬†¬†¬†At the least, I will have lost 46lbs by Sept 10th! I’m planning on rolling into a THIRD challenge….which I believe will be my last one before I officially become a member of Legion. ¬†So keep your positive words coming, I love it!

Posted in weight loss

NSV? QVC? ABC? WTF?

Normally, I would’ve posted earlier in the week for #TransformationTuesday but clearly that didn’t happen. ¬†The past two weeks have been super frustrating/emotional for me. This weight loss journey started in June and there were ZERO plans to continue it past the first weigh out date. ¬†Competitiveness is in my BLOOD and it gave me something to strive and feed the athlete in me. ¬†I needed to regroup and remember why I was doing this.

I had to go back to my WHY. Why the FUCK was I putting myself through this? Why the FUCK do I want to lose weight? Everyone needs a why to keep on track. ¬†I have a laundry list of Why’s.

  1. I’m adopted. I have no real knowledge of my medical background. Losing weight and eating clean can only help me because I’m doing this for ME.
  2. My husband! His fucking family has cancer allllll over one side and heart issues on the other. I sort of like him and want him around for a while. 
  3. My adorable 9 month old niece & nephew!
  4. My money. My initial $500 is still at stake…this used to be numero uno.
  5. Selfies & pictures – I am SO, SO tired of looking like a slob in pics and having to angle the camera a certain way. NOT. NO MORE, bitches! Go ahead. Take my pic face on. I have ONE chin these days! mwahahaha
  6. Motivate and inspire. This is super selfish on my end, but I truly love when my friends lose a shit ton of weight and post about it. They did it, why can’t I? I want to be a real life example that it’s possible to be healthy without hurting or starving yourself. ¬†No tricks, gimmicks, shakes, cleansing, or magic pills.¬†

Maybe that was more of a short laundry list, BUT IT STILL COUNTS! 

NSV’s are way more exciting, however. What’s an NSV, you’re asking? GREAT question! It stands for Non-scale victory. (V-I-C-T-O-R-Y victory is out battle cryyyyyyy!!! I’m pretty sure that was a softball cheer we did in middle school…STILL APPLIES!)

A few NSV’s could be baggy clothing, walking up steps without being winded, or finally being able to bury a dead body without help. ¬†No matter what it is, they’re an excellent way to keep yourself motivated. ¬†My NSV happened this week and was a super emotional one. More emotional than I’m comfortable with….but…well, you’ll see.

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Much like every one who tries to lose weight, I hit that “wall” that always seems to creep up on me when I hit the low 20’s. The scale wasn’t moving like it had in the last few weeks. ¬†I was frustrated! SO. FUCKING. FRUSTRATED!¬†

“Da fuuuuuug. I’m working out 6 days a week, sticking to the food plan. WHAT. THE FUCK. GIVES?!” <<THIS is what went through my head between the first two weeks of this 2nd challenge. ¬†The weight literally melted off in the first 6 weeks, so I figured it would be somewhat similar this time around. ¬†After speaking to the trainers, I was advised to carb cycle last week. ¬†Essentially, I had 1 days of carbs in all 5 meals and 3 days of zero carbs for the week. ¬†I needed a boost to my self-esteem to remind myself that these changes are still good, no matter WHAT the scale said.

SOOOOOOO, this brings us to yesterday.  On Thursday, August 18th, I went shopping in the Philadelphia Premium Outlets in PA.  The first store I saw was NY&C, so, for shits and giggles, I went in to see if I fit in their clothes.  I found a pair of shorts in their biggest size of 18, grabbed some other shit, and casually walked to the dressing room.  

NOW, for those who read this and aren’t aware, women’s clothing is never the same in every store. ¬†An 18 in NY&C might be a 16 at Old Navy (vanity sizing blows). The first, VERY FIRST, item I try on is a size Large knit shirt and the size 18 shorts. ¬†I stood there, unable to move a muscle, in this tiny all-white fitting room. Time stood for those few seconds when I stared into the mirror. The shorts were not tight, the shirt was a big snug but looked decent, and there was this beautiful young woman staring at me through this mirror. ¬†

All of the photos I have taken this summer have been in my old clothes. ¬†These shirts and pants were meant for someone 25+lbs heavier. ¬†So, almost 40lbs down, nothing truly sat right on me. ¬†Trying on clothing that really fit me showed off how hard I’ve been working this summer. ¬†I stared for what felt like hours! Really, it was only minutes but who was counting. ¬†Out of nowhere, my cheeks became wet and my eyes were watering like crazy! WHAT? HUH? WHY AM I CRYING?! Oh, because I’ve never been able to fit into NY&C since HS and I look fucking great in the clothes today? Yeah. That’d do it. ¬†

I am not very emotional, so this was bizarre for me. ¬†I came out of the dressing room and one of the workers asked if I was alright. I explained about my weight loss journey and that I was fine. She asked if she could hug me because I looked like I needed one. ¬†Who was I to turn down a free hug?! This stranger congratulated me and told me to keep it up. Any other day, I would’ve been freaked the fuck out by this…but this was super welcome that day.¬†

In other news, here’s the outfit that made me bawl like a child who just found out their pet goldfish died.

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Moral of the story: always be kind. Always. You don’t know what is happening in someone’s life at that moment. The store was busy and I took up a room longer than I needed. She didn’t get irritated with me for making her life difficult, which I had to have been just a bit. ¬†If you know someone who is losing weight, give them some encouraging words and try to not tease them about their food choices. ¬†This is a ridiculously hard lifestyle to maintain without assholes adding their negative comments in. ¬†So maybe I seem a bit narcissistic with my many health and fitness posts. I.DONT.GIVE.A.FUCK because at least ONE person is motivated by them and plenty more are super encouraging.¬†

So here’s to the end of week 3! Only 3 left until the moment of truth! Will I have worked hard enough to lose that next 20lbs? ¬†Only time shall tell. Cross your fingers I have the will power to keep it up!

Posted in clean eating, fitness, healthy, literature, meal prep, Uncategorized, weight loss, whole 30, workouts

#2: I Can Haz Cheezburger?

Food. YAAAAAAAS! Lets Eat!!!

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¬†Who doesn’t enjoy a good meal of delicious foods? Add to the mix some friends, good music, and maybe a few drinks and VOILA! The recipe for an great time out is created. ¬†Some people have been blessed with the ability to eat whatever they want and their bodies are not negatively impacted. ¬†They create an atmosphere of “eat whatever…I’ll pick when your done”. ¬†Just ONE type of friend like this can throw off someone’s ability to say no to delicious foods.

Unfortunately for me, I have never had this type of body.  When I eat poorly, it shows.  My entire life has been spent worrying about what to order when I went out to eat or what to buy at the store for home.  After a while, my concern was no longer with what was best but what was most delicious. I soon found the company I kept was the same way.  So, there was no guilt in buying that burger with fries. 

Half priced apps? I’m sold. Give me a few dozen wings and some mozz sticks! Where’s¬†the harm, right?¬†

Hah! If only I fully understood then what I know now. ¬†However, they say hindsight is 20/20. ¬†This is what is the most frustrating and challenging part of my new lifestyle. Eating right and figuring out how to cook that won’t frustrate and throw me off track. Right away, I know someone wants to question that choice of language! Lifestyle? But aren’t you on a diet? If I may quote my husband and his engineering lingo, “Yes and No”. ¬†Yes, my diet has CHANGED but NO, I’m not on a DIET, diet. ¬†To me, that term means it’s temporary and something short-term. ¬†I’m choosing to stay long-term and continue this for as many years as possible. ¬†

I’m a simple woman. I hate spending more time in the kitchen then what is necessary. ¬†I eat every 2.5-3hours, so I know the times I need to have something ready during the day. ¬†Most days, this is a successful task. ¬†When time constraints get in the way and I don’t have food….watch out. ¬†There’s a good 10-15min window before the Hanger hits (Hanger – When you are so hungry that your lack of food causes you to become angry, frustrated or both). ¬†I’ve been cooking my meals for the last 3 months with as many failures as successes! ¬†During this time, simple meals have been made that are delicious, easy to make, and don’t require much prep time.

Here’s a recent meal that will be making an appearance on the table in the future:

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#EYPP! Explain Your Plate, Please!!

This meal took under 10-15 minutes to prepare and it was a way to have that burger without the guilt!  The tomatoes were previously prepared and seasoned, so they needed to be heated up before I ate. 

The grill is my BEST FRIEND during the warmer months!  
The burger: grilled 4-5min on each side and cut into 4 pieces.
The potatoes: microwaved for about two minutes, cut in half, and thrown on the grill.  
The tomatoes:  boiled with a cup of water, 4 pints of cherry toms, and seasoned with some garlic salt, oregano, and pepper. (Note: I prepared these during my meal prep)

The heaviness of the bun doesn’t weigh the stomach down or fill up too quickly, as it is no longer there! The lettuce “wrap” technique is one of my go-to for hand-held meals. The tomatoes gave this meal the flavor it needed. The longest part of preparing this meal was cooking the burger. ¬†Simple meals cut down the time in the kitchen AND cleanup, too. ¬†While there are many of my friends in my #fitfam who make delicious meals, they require a lot of prep time. ¬†

Full disclosure: I’m super lazy. ¬†If there’s a meal with few steps to create it, I’m all for it! ¬†I also want my friends and family to know that anyone is capable to eating healthy without all the hassle. ¬†Clean eating is already expensive to begin with…so why create more hassle? ¬†The end goal is to maintain a sustainable lifestyle. ¬†If the cooking becomes a burden, a person is less likely to keep with it.

This may not be a 5-star meal, but it’s easy to make and delicious. ¬†I’ve been doing this for 8 weeks and I have no plans of stopping yet! ¬†K.I.S.S. – Keep It Simple Stupid! is my cooking motto. ūüôā